DogzBollux SloMo Endo!

I've been practicing this for a while now - but I think I have finally got it nailed so I am happy to present it to the world at large!



I have now developed my very own trademark mtb manoeuvre. A bit like the Yurchenko loop was named after the gymnast Natalia Yurchenko who first perfected the move I've decided to name my move the "DogzBollux SloMo Endo". It's a bit like a regular Endo (in that the result is that you end up in a pathetic heap on the trail with a mouth full of dirt) but with the added element of happening REALLY, REALLY slowly!!



The importance of the defining lack of speed is two fold. Firstly, it gives anyone you are riding with plenty of time to work out what is about to happen, get ready to start laughing and get their cameras ready (even nip back to the car to fetch a camera if necessary). And secondly it gives you ample time to realize just what a burk you are and how much this is about to hurt!



To fully master the DogzBolllux SloMo Endo follow these easy to remember instructions (but remember folks it will possibly take years, if ever, to fully perfect this particular move)



Step One. Find a suitable downhill trail - trail choice is key! It has to be just steep enough to scare the bejezuz out of a wuss like me but ridable enough for the guys I'm riding with to bomb down with ease.

Step two. Locate on the given trail a drop of approximately 6-8 inches (any bigger and the chances of a nice ordinary Endo are greatly increased)

Step three. As your front wheel goes over the drop keep your weight just far enough back to avoid going straight into the dirt, but just far enough forward to ensure you have no chance of actually making the drop.

Step three is where the real skill comes in! It takes many attempts to judge the balance point correctly! If you get too far back (perhaps even getting behind your saddle) then there is a real danger that you will clear the obstacle with relative ease and actually look like you have some technical ability and are not a complete idiot (this is to be avoided at all costs). If on the other hand you get the balance just right you can get your rear wheel to suspend in mid air for an inordinate amount of time, without ever having any real possibility of not going over your handlebars. If your speed is sufficiently low you just kind of hang there for several seconds before you crash unceremoniously into the trail!! For extra style points you may even be able to snag your crotch on your bar stem as you head over your bars (this extra dimension should not be attempted until you have mastered the basic DogzBollux SloMo Endo however).

Cheers

DogzBollux